I have this vicious cycle that I'm trying to break. Winter makes it worse, especially when my kids get sick and I can't go anywhere. Being a stay at home mother, I get really sick of being at my house with nothing to do but the endless cooking, cleaning and laundry cycle: over and over and over again. Truly, the work is NEVER EVER done. Ever. It is absolutely impossible, and the sooner I realize the truth of that fact, the better. My second problem is that I am a total neat freak. I get really grumpy when my house is messy, as it OFTEN is with 7 people living in it. I get tired of yelling at people to pick up their things, tired of doing it for them, tired, tired, sick to death of cleaning over and over again only to have it messed up again. Part of the problem is that I need to enforce discipline on my children and make them take on more responsibilities. Anyway what happens is that I get grumpy, and if it really goes too far, I feel rebellious, and I'll sit down in a grump and won't do anything. Then self disgust adds to my grumpy feelings about having a messy house, and before you know it, I'm a mean ogre, which makes me hate myself even more, till I don't enjoy my life or anybody in it at all. How horrible is that?!
The reality is that I have a great life. I have a great husband who is good to me, and loves me, and we have a pretty great relationship. I have 5 beautiful, smart and healthy children. I have a warm roof over my head, plenty of food to eat and clothes to wear. I have the gospel in my life. What more can one person ask for? REALLY! I have been blessed so much more than I deserve. Yet, there I am grumbling because I'm tired of taking care of my greatest blessings?
Anyway, I was having a total horrible pity party over the weekend, and I was being truly awful. What I really wanted was to enjoy my family -with a clean house. Sunday Lydia was sick, so I stayed home from church with her. (For the record, I honestly hate to miss church. Call me a weirdo if you want, but it's true. I feel so much better after a good dose of church! The gospel is such an anchor for me and a guide. I love the gospel! It fills a hole, and helps me to see what I want to be. I'd be lost and probably a mean horrible person without it.) Anyway, I'd been a bad grump all weekend. Sunday evening came, and my family needed some dinner. I didn't feel like making another mess in my kitchen that I'd have to clean up. All I wanted to do was to spend some quality time with my family ~ not cooking some meal that half of the family would probably call yucky, and then cleaning it up. So instead I sliced up some pumpkin bread that I had made earlier that day, sliced up some oranges, and popped a bunch of popcorn. I pulled out a game and put it all on the table with the snack food. We all sat around the table snacking, playing a game, and enjoying each other's company. What do you know, my grump went away! Last night, we had family night, but my favorite part was the impromptu cranking up of some fun music and everybody danced in the living room like fools.
I know this is a long and preachy type of post, so I'm sorry for that. But for the record, here is my idea of a perfect day: Scripture time, and running have to take place early, or I feel out of sorts. Then the whole family pitches in and we get our house put in order double fast. Next we all head out to enjoy a day at the zoo, the Magic House, hiking or really anything that the kids and Bruce and I can enjoy together. Then to end the night, Bruce and I get to have a date. Those days don't happen but once in a great while, but they are my favorite. I don't know why I'm writing all of this poop. Okay, I'll shut up. Have a great day. Did anyone even hang on till the end of this post? I can't blame you if you gave up long ago. So here's a silly thing to end on, if you hung on this long: There, I just pulled my sweater up around my head (I'm wearing a shirt underneath) and ran around in circles in my front yard shouting "Obscenities in the Nude!" over and over again. I did that just now for you. I really did, AND the trash guy was at my neighbor's house.
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