Thursday, March 27, 2008

"No Man Stands So Tall As When He Helps To Cripple A Stupid Child"

I have a bad habit of falling asleep in front of the TV. I hardly ever watch TV during the day, and after I finally get my children to bed, I just really like to sit and be completely mindless in front of the TV for a while with my favorite guy. The problem is that I don't know when to stop. I never want to go to bed. I'm often awake for only about 10 minutes to watch Myth Busters, or whatever, but I thoroughly enjoy those 10 minutes with Bruce. I'll wake up over and over, and try to squeeze some more mindlessness out of my day.

Anyway, I fell asleep watching Whose Line is it Anyway? last night. That show is so funny! The problem is that I sometimes have to turn it off because they tend to make too many sex jokes. Anyway, I fell asleep watching that, and while I was asleep, that got over and an infomercial thing came on about sponsoring the poor starving, disease ridden, parent less children of Africa. (And poor little Sally Muckinfutch with a finger for an eye) I'm sure these are wonderful programs, and if I had 2 cents to rub together after paying our bills, I'd probably sponsor some poor child. Anyway, my mind was still in Whose Line is it Anyway? mode. (Often when I'm asleep, I still hear the TV, and whatever is on infiltrates my dreams. This can be especially bad when those late night infomercials come on, because with my defenses down, I'll sincerely believe that whatever they are selling is the most wonderful thing in the world. I woke up one time, thinking that this new technique to weight loss -where you only have to workout for 7 minutes a day to loose all of those extra inches- was the answer to all of my prayers, and I needed to call right then. Then, awake, I thought about it for 2 seconds and realized it was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. It's a good thing that I can't buy things in my sleep, or I'd be in debt to my ears, with my space under my bed filled so full that my bed would be touching the ceiling. "I don't care what it does, as long as it folds up and fits under a bed!" -Pinky from Pinky and the Brain) ANYWAY, my mind was still on Whose Line... and my brain kept coming up with these hilarious lines poking fun at these poor starving, disease ridden, parent less children. I was really funny! (At least to my sleep fogged brain.) I kept partially waking up, realizing that they were serious, and thinking "Renae, that's terrible!" Then I'd fall asleep and make fun of them again. Bad, bad, bad.
BTW, the quote in the title is a messed up version of "No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a crippled child." I don't know where it's from, but John likes to say it messed up. This is actually the quote that made me rebreak my rib, laughing (after a day of wrestling Justice -it was the straw that broke camel's back, or my rib).


lizS said...

john saw it on a bumper sticker as he was walking from class to his car, as i remember it. (correct me if i'm wrong babe) he regaled me with several versions of your title, but the real fun started when he and todd got together. those two together are like 100x worse than apart!

Anonymous said...

At first I thouhgt you were going to say the whose line is it anyway guys stole my favorite line.Whew what a relief! I did not know it broke your rib though! ha ha ha ha. Poor Sally Muckinfutch!


timpani76 said...

OK, I think we should stop saying/writing Sally's last name since it sounds like a naughty word.

Also, this post was hilarious. I totally misread the title, for one, re-read and burst out laughing (though not enough of a burst to break or re-break a rib). Then, I was reading about the "Whose Line Is It Anyway" segueing into the infomercial, and laughed again.

I also laughed at the image of infomercial junk piling up under your bed. I feel sorry for people who actually do this, but the image is funny nonetheless.

Ok, the whole thing made me laugh overall too.

Bruce said...

confusious say "man who laughs last, probly didn't get the joke." and "man who stand on tolet stool often high on potty."

Anonymous said...

How about Fally Suckinmuch?


Anonymous said...

I have to say that this post is pretty funny, after rereading it.


Anonymous said...

Stumbled upon your blog somehow, and thought I'd help you with the origin of your title:

"No man stands so tall as when he stoops to help a child"
or similar renditions is one of the Shriners mottos.
86 years in the running, 22 hospitals, over 865,000 children treated absolutely FREE of charge.
Next time you see grown men driving tiny cars in parades and wearing funny red hats(the Fez) know exactly why we do it.
Shriners having fun to help kids!