Okay, don't freak out anyone, I'm not bulimic. I just sometimes sympathize with this disorder. You'll have to forgive me, this is going to be a bit of a different sort of post than my usual happy posts. I'm having a total insomniac night! I'm sure that tomorrow, well today, I'll really pay for this. I don't do well on not enough sleep.
So, back to bulimia. I've been sitting here doing nothing in particular on-line. Spending money that I really shouldn't at Deseret Book online and pigging out on M&Ms. I feel all yucky in my tummy now. I always do when I eat junk food. I admit that it is tempting, sometimes really tempting to go and barf it up. I'd probably feel better. I have never made myself throw up, and I've promised myself that I never will. I kind of know that if I did it once, I'd have a real problem with it. It would start out once in a blue moon, just to not feel like I'm feeling right now. (Which is YUCKY!) But before I knew it, I'd be doing it more and more often, until it was an everyday thing. I know better than to get started, so PLEASE don't worry about me. I really do have enough sense not to do it. But sometimes I feel really tempted.
Well, the reason for me posting this is that I just had a light bulb moment. I was lying in bed, trying to fall asleep, and wishing that I hadn't eaten those darned M&Ms, and so wanting to barf! But, I said to myself "That's just not something that I want to start." Then I realized bulimia is a two fold disorder: binging and purging. I had already done the binging. That's the part I don't want to start! That's the part that I need to work on controlling! If I can work on telling myself "That's just not something that I want to start." a little bit earlier, I won't ever have to feel this way again! I'm halfway bulimic already, I do the binging, I just don't purge. Binging is a very unhealthy thing too, that's why I'm feeling so yucky right now! No, I'm not saying that I might as well purge, in case anyone is thinking that's where I'm going with this. It's about not getting to the point where I want to purge. Not nipping the problem in the bud, as I have been doing-- but pulling the roots right out of the ground! Do you follow?
Alright, I need to try to get some sleep. I wonder if this will seem like a really stupid post when I'm not so tired! See you!
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