Thursday, April 15, 2010

Thoughts

I struggle, as I'm sure every parent (or non-parent) that ever lived has struggled with feelings of being completely overwhelmed by just day to day life. In reality, I have a great life, so this is no complaint. It's just that getting the things done that need to be done, in a household of seven, on a daily basis is absolutely impossible for one person , I don't care who you are. I often wonder how other people do all the things that they do. The truth has to be that they leave out things that I'm not, just as I'm leaving things out that they are not, or they aren't doing it all themselves. Sometimes I feel so tired of it all that I wonder what is the point of my existence. All I ever do is cook, clean, and do laundry. I don't feel like I have time to do anything that I enjoy anymore at all. It can be really depressing. Anyway that's not the point.

I've recently been thinking about whether I should pull my kids out of school and home school. I haven't made up my mind yet, and I probably won't for some time. I could go into a long discussion about why this may or may not be a good thing for my family, but I'll spare you. Sufficeth to say that I don't feel that public schools are in anyway horrible, and I've no delusions of myself being some Super Mom that I am most definitely not. But I do have valid reasons for considering it.

The point is that I've been feeling overwhelmed a LOT lately just doing the mundane things, so the idea of taking on THAT MUCH MORE is absolutely insane. I can't believe I'm still thinking about it. But I am thinking about it ~ even though I very well might never do it. I am doing a lot of pondering which path would be the right one for our family. Right now, I just don't know.

Here are some scriptures that have really hit a chord with me lately and have helped me see that I can accomplish things better with a different approach:

The teacher in our Gospel Doctrine class at church read this one, and it really struck me between the eyes:

"The thing that thou doest is not good. Thou wilt surely wear away, both thou, and this people that is with thee: for this thing is too heavy for thee; thou art not able to perform it thyself alone."

(Old Testament | Exodus 18:17 - 18)

This passage was talking about Moses delegating some of his responsibilities. One of my big mothering flaws is that I don't make my children do enough things for themselves and for the family in general. It can be such a fight just to get them to do normal chores and clean up after themselves, that I just do everything myself. All that accomplishes is more laziness on the part of my children, and a lack of appreciation for what kinds of messes they are making little at a time. Plus I am so completely and utterly worn down and tired and crabby that I'm no good to anyone at all. Hating my perfectly good life is not a good thing. I need to delegate, and my children NEED the responsibility. The lack of responsibility is a big part of the problem with today's society. Me killing myself with house work "is not good." I thought I was doing good when I was working so hard, but doing it all myself "is not good."

It goes on to say:

"And thou shalt teach them ordinances and laws, and shalt shew them the way wherein they must walk, and the work that they must do."

(Old Testament | Exodus 18:20)

Applying it to my circumstances, it means that my key responsibility is to teach my children "correct principles and they will govern themselves." Also I need to teach them how to work , and let them do their fair share.


Next as I was pondering how in the world I could even be THINKING about homeschooling, completely worn out as I always am, I heard this scripture:

"Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.
He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

(Old Testament | Isaiah 40:28 - 31)

I need to rely upon the Lord for my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual strength. Maybe if I put a little more effort into studying my scriptures, praying and doing all of the things I need to do to nurture my spirit, I won't feel so weighed down and blasted all of the time. Who'd a thunk it. It's worth a try huh?

7 comments:

jennifer said...

I agree and feel exactly like you, I thought it meant I was a better mother if I could do EVERYTHING by myself, but all I ever seem to be is a grouch. I am also considering homeschooling considering how messed up things seem to be getting with the schools. I really enjoy reading your blogs, they make me feel so much better, we definatly need to get together with Julie and have some unwind time. talk to you later
Jennifer

Anonymous said...

Well I dont know about any of that. But I do know that fish costs too much.

timpani76 said...

Delegate woman! You sooooo need to get some of this off your shoulders to be a better mom. Consider yourself Momma Moses.

And- you are not doing your son's future wives any favors by teaching them that mom has to do everything!

Sarah Flib said...

This is a nice post, Renae. Those scriptures apply to your situation perfectly, and I hope the application of them goes well!

Malauna said...

Good thoughts, Renae. I need to do a better job of delegating to my children as well.

timpani76 said...

I just realized my comment sounded really didactic. I blame the crankiness of the last part of pregnancy.

I think you are a great mom and I love coming to your house and feeling the spirit there!

guppygirl said...

Such a great post, Renae <3 Love it and it really resonates with me right now too. We are pulling my 10 year old from school and doing the K12 program. You should see if it's available in your state. But my oldest and youngest student are staying put for now. Oldest has therapy services that I can't provide and likes school (although there is some violence issue going on right now that I'm watching to see if it resolves) and youngest gets speech therapy for verbal apraxia so he's staying put in the public system. Mid kid is getting lost in the background. He's uber shy and I'm watching his grades slide. I never know what he's supposed to actually be working on and work doesn't go back even when we do it. I figure if we bring him home, then I'll know exactly what he needs to be doing, lol. Also, kids are calling him fat, weird, ugly, etc. I'm watching his self esteem plummet and his anxiety and depression climb. So, home he comes. And we'll try it on for size. See if it makes things better all around. I think you just have to evaluate the pros and cons and see where you land.

Delegating - I'm so terrible about this too. I keep telling them one person can't clean up after all 6 of us but at times I'm too tired to put in the energy it takes to get them to help more. I'll have to do better at this :) I know when I got married, I was glad my Mom had taught me to do all the things needed to keep up a household. I wasn't so thrilled as a youngster, haha, but I was glad I didn't have to learn cooking and ironing, etc as a young wife.

I think you are awesome! Keep it up and big hugs <3