My Pancreas

My pancreas attracts every other pancreas
in the universe with a force
proportional to the product of their masses

and inversely proportional
to the distance between them!

Recent Videos From My House

Check out my 2 yr old using the computer.

Sunbeam

So yes, not the most reverent version of "Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam." We are part of the reason that this song sometimes gets banned from Primary Singing time, I'm afraid. (Please ignore the horrible singing!)

Men are Funny!

In general, I think Bruce gets a bit of a bad rap here on the blogosphere. In spite of his more than the usual dose of testosterone, he is a really good husband. He's always doing little things just for me, that most people don't know about. (Okay, I'm going to admit it: I read all of the Twilight series. There, are you all happy! I thought they were mostly good. It irritated the poop out of me to have to read a book manually. My house got messy, which makes me grouchy. I felt like a lazy dog for sitting around reading a book. I hated myself, which makes me grouchy. Also I did have a problem with the near sex scenes, and the fact that he was sneaking into her room at night. I should have quit reading the stupid books right then, but like the pathetic person that I am, I kept on. I am actually ashamed that I finished them. That made me hate myself even more. More grouchiness. Bruce should get an award just for putting up with me!) Anyway, Emmett's personality is VERY much like my Bruce. I think SM must have been spying on Bruce when she dreamed Emmett up.

Anyway the thing I was getting to is this: about a week ago, Bruce was hanging some cabinets in the basement. His project got put on hold because his drill broke or something. So here he was in the kitchen looking for something useful to do. I suggested that he should hang up the clock that he had bought to put in the kitchen.

"I can't. My drill isn't working."

"Why do you need a drill for that?!" It is just a regular sized wall clock. There is no need to make a huge hole in the wall to anchor the thing down. "Just knock in a nail."

So Bruce goes out to the garage to get a hammer and a nail. He comes back in with one of those gigantic 3 inch long nails that are used to go through 2x4s to keep walls in place. I balked at that too. (Aren't I a bit of a harpy.) It just struck me as rather Tim Taylorish. "Here, let me put a hole in the wall the size of a football field just to hold up a little wall clock. It certainly won't go anywhere!"

Sorry for the ribbing Bruce, it was funny. I love you bunches and think you are the bestest!

Is The Glass Half Full or Half All Over My Table?

Justice is at this stage where he is fiercely independent, or at least trying to be. It can be extremely frustrating at times, especially if I'm in a hurry. I'm learning to just let him do the things he can by himself (even if they take forever). It's easier and better for both of our tempers to not fight him. Say if I'm in a hurry to leave the house, and he wants to put on his own shoes, I'll let him do it and just walk away and get myself ready, rather than fight with him because I could do it faster. That just makes him mad and he'll take his shoe off so he can put it on himself, which makes me mad. The other day he wanted to pour his own glass of milk. The jug was about 3/4 full, so he would have spilled it all over. I insisted on at least helping him. We fought over who got to have the superior hand grip. (It's silly all the dumb things I fight this 2 year old over!) In the end we poured the cup together, and spilled about as much on the table. "See!" we both said at the exact same time. I laughed. To me, I was right, because we had spilled the milk. To him, we had succeeded, because we did get a goodly portion into the cup. I had to admit that he did have a point.

Brrharroom Cubscouts!

I've got 4 boys and 18 years left. I guess I'd better get used to it.

Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Afternoon

I was just undecorating our Christmas Tree, and I figured out why our dog has been sniffing the thing lately. No, she isn't crazy about the pine smell. I found the fossilized remains of somebody's lunch meat sandwich hiding in it's branches, just out of her reach.

Where the Ruddy Heck are Mark's Shoes?!!

A couple of months ago I bought Mark a new pair of Skechers tennis shoes. I got them for around $35-40 on sale. Yes, that might sound like a lot to spend on kids' shoes, but I've realized that quality shoes hold up much longer to the beating my children put them through. Walmart shoes just don't last long. I find that I actually spend less money in the long run if I just buy good shoes. Here's the problem, he lost them! The last time I saw them was over a month ago, the day of my last race, when John and his kids were here. We made a HUGE epic mess of my house, cleaned it up, and I haven't seen Mark's shoes since. It's driving me crazy. I'm going to tear my house up stem to stern till I find those bugers. (I'm about halfway there already.) Here's my question: John, did you accidentally take home Mark's shoes? They were in my piano room by you guys' stuff last time I saw them. They are black Skechers with a single strap across the top. I believe these are them: I want them back! Find them or I will kidnap your firstborn, boil your intestines in brine, follow you around plucking out your nose hairs one by one, dye your hair bubble gum pink in your sleep, dress you in drag and make you sing "I'm a pretty girl" at the top of your lungs in front of a room full of queer penitentiary inmates. (That is if you actually have them.) If not, I'll just keep looking for them here, and hope that they show up someday.

Grocery Shopping

I've had so many trips to the grocery store that were the stuff of nightmares (screaming kids who won't sit in the cart, run away constantly, climb on things, break eggs and cartons of milk, etc.). I usually come home from the store in a horrible mood, wanting to gouge my brains out. Today however, was quite the opposite, so I thought it blog worthy. Here's what made the trip so good:

1) Clayton was strapped to my chest in his snugly, and didn't make a peep the entire trip (though it did make my back ache toward the end. Oh well, I guess it can't be perfect.)

2) Justice sat in the cart and did not scream, cry, or even attempt to get out of the cart one time (and I didn't even have to bribe him!)

3) Justice wore his Indiana Jones hat and jacket (he won't go anywhere without them), and a bunch of elderly people commented on how much they liked his hat, and how cute he was. I don't think most of them knew he was supposed to be IJ, they just liked the old fashioned hat I guess.

4) A woman in the checkout isle offered to get my million jugs of milk from the bottom of my cart for me (since I looked rather awkward with Clayton strapped to my front). Wasn't that nice of her!

5) A man turned in some woman's purse that she left behind on the bagging counter. It's so nice to see people being honest!

6) Even though the store was unusually crowded, I happened to be lucky enough to get to the line just before it exploded and ran halfway to the back of the store.

7) As I was unloading my cart onto the conveyor belt, Justice spied the pineapple that I was buying, and said "Is that Spongebob's house?!" I laughed out loud.

Sprayer Prank

Funnily enough, Ross happened to be the one to get it the first time. The second time, the kids were setting Justice up (because he was the only person in the house who didn't see the first one), and Ross was watching from just the wrong spot. He got the most direct hit in the face again.